My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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