You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
