This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
