Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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