Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
