i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
