i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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