I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
