at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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