i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
