Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
