I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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