Dual....:-)
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
