you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
