I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
