So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They have beer where we have blood.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
