she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
