Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
