I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
