how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
