a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
