i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
