I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
