I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
