I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
