He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
