yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
