I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
