Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
