i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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