pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
