I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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