were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
