We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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