But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
