i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
