you're like a bully in the Christmas story
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
