apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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