She said her name was "party"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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