I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
