I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
