I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
