In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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