Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
