I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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