Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
