Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
