she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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