She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
