im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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