the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
