I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
