Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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