i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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