I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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